So Close But Yet So Far Away

Today I went back to work and my desk still looks good, you can still see the top of the desk. That is a good feeling until you realize that there are so many other things that you are behind on.  Turning in this and turning in that and meeting a deadline.  Before I became a teacher, I worked in the computer lab tutoring students in grades 3-6, preparing them for the EOG.  After a couple of years I said to myself "you can be a teacher."  I watched the teachers and even collaberated with them to make sure my tutoring sessions were on target.  I discussed with them my concerns for the individual students that were having difficulty and I said to myself "you can be a teacher."  Little did I know that being a teacher meant 40% classroom teaching and 60% paperwork.  I am the type of person that gives 100% teaching and have no room for the paperwork.  I am alway behind on turning things in. Now if I could just stay organized and turn things in on time and prepare my students for VoCATS then I would be the perfect teacher.  My goal is to stay organized so I can accomplish more tasks than before, but to complete everything that is required of teachers, I am not sure if I will ever reach that goal.    

Two Steps Forward One Step Back

OMG!  My goal was to be more organized and at this point I feel like a juggler who has thrown up too many bowling pins.  Yesterday I looked at my desk and it was in disarray; papers everywhere.  I thought, not again, it has not been a month yet and my desk is in such a mess; this organization thing is just not working out.  At the end of the day I was not going to be defeated.  I looked at my desk and had no idea where to start.  I began by pulling one page at a time; papers that had not been graded, memos that I said would be in a binder had not made it there yet and sticky notes with reminders that had been overlooked.  I worked for 3 hours non stop wading through the pile of papers, putting the important stuff together, grading papers and recording them in gradebook, and throwing away the ones that were no longer of use.  At 6:00 my son called and stated "Mom, are you alright".  I knew it was about time to go home.  I looked around and there was still things to do but the majority of the chaos had been taken care of.  You could actually see my desk once again and the important stuff was organized in binders.  What a sense of accomplishment.  Can I now keep up????? Can't make any promises but hopefully I can do better than the past. 

Rest Stop

Today I am at home.  I had to take a rest.  My condition is called fibromyalgia, some say it is only in the mind of the sufferer, but we who suffer from this life altering condition say it is all too real.  Fibromyalgia affects the nerves and muscles in the body, it is considered overwork nerves, the result is extreme pain and aches from head to toe.  I also suffer from fluid retention in my feet, ankles, hands and fingers which makes walking painful and my hands are very weak strength wise.  I have been a sufferer for four years and diagnosed three years ago.  Due to recent medication specifically for this condition the pain is always there but sometimes not as intense.  About 2 months ago my doctor changed my medication again and even though it sometimes makes me nauseated I have had better days.  I began school on Aug. 19th and have not had a day to rest until today and that is a first.  Prior to the med change I could hold out working monday thru friday but on the weekends I was off of my feet for the whole weekend recovering, just to make it thru another week.  I am exhausted today but hopeful.  I am not ready for disability.  I am very excited about this master's program even though it has consumed alot of  my energy and now that I am teaching I know that it is going to require mind over matter.  I want to be able to use what I learn in my own classroom and two years from now I want to fly to Cambridge on graduation day to receive my Masters.  What ever I achieve in my life I have to give credit to the Lord.  I have been in some deep valleys these past few years but I have not walked alone.  I have to trust in my Lord and Savior that he will continue to lead and guide me.